I was sexually assaulted. Technically I was raped; but I don't like that word.
It has come to the point, where I do not care if the person see's this post because I am no longer ashamed to admit what happened to me. It was not my fault, it was his. I know I am not the only girl or boy who has or is going through this, so I am writing my story to spread the word.
Sex without consent is sexual assault.
So around 4 years ago I was in a relationship. I will not admit the name of the person I was with, so for this post I will call him Michael.
I was excited. I'd never been in a proper relationship. I had "boyfriends" in school, but you'd break up within a week for their friend,
At first I thought the relationship was good. But I was naive. It wasn't a long relationship and I do not remember much about it because I tried to block a lot of the memories.
Looking back at the relationship now, it was a controlling relationship. Not as controlling as some peoples, but was still more than any relationship should be. I was never allowed to look at his phone, but he could look at mine., I got called names, and was guilt tripped a lot.
I was also very shy. I didn't like my body, so I didn't want to show it off. I didn't want to have sex. But I would then to made to feel guilty. But I wasn't ready, And that is the key point. I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to share my body with somebody, and if any person and I mean ANY person, feels this way the other person needs to respect this and back off them!
After a while I gave in. It hurt. Because I wasn't ready. I said "no I don't want to" but he carried on.
And of course naive little me, thought this was ok. It's fine, we are in a relationship. This is was it is like.
Well. NO. THIS IS NOT OK.
Its safe to say within a month after this the relationship was over because Michael got want he wanted.
When the relationship broke, I became depressed and I started self harming again. It took me a long time but I finally came over the breakup and became happy again.
I was naive, like I said, So it actually took me 3 years to realise what happened. This is too late for me to be able to do anything "legal" about it, They'd be no evidence. and honestly, I didn't want to press charges or involve police because I didn't ever want to see him again.
What happened to me, shocked me up so much that my depression came back. I left my job and my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't leave the house without my mum. Thankfully I never self harmed and I'm clean of self harm for over a year and six months.
I've been having counselling since December. I can now say I am 4 sessions away of completing this therapy. It has taken me a long time but I am finally ok and have learnt it is not my fault.
Thankfully now I am in a happy relationship with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. He has been my rock throughout this and has supported me with so much. He has showed me what a true relationship is and treats me the way every person in a relationship should be treated.
If a person treats you the way Michael treated me, you need to leave that relationship and find a person that will make you happy and love you for yourself.
I know so many people have gone through this, or might currently be going through this, so for me to finally pluck up the courage and write my story, I hope it can help just one person, in the same shoes as I were to come forward and realise they can do 100% better!
Here is a Video about sexual consent explained by making tea..
In my case in the time of going to make the tea; I changed my mind.
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